Friday, February 1, 2008

What to do if I like a guy (part 2)

The following is taken from GirlTalk.blogs.com about what a single girl is to do if she is interested in a guy.

1. God has created us as women to be responsive to men’s leadership. This is clear throughout Scripture, not only in the created order and our calling to be helpers (Gen. 2:18-23), but in the commands for a wife to submit to her husband (Eph. 5:22-23) . If we seek to take matters into our own hands and “do something” about a situation such as this, we are depriving a man of an opportunity to fulfill his God-given calling to lead. Truly believing in the importance and significance of our femininity means living it out, even in the pressure cooker of strong desires. We must resist the temptation to allow our feelings and desires and not God’s Word dictate our direction. On a purely personal note, my mom used to ask me: Don’t you ultimately want a guy who is attracted enough to pursue you, without needing hints from you?

2. God is sovereign, loving, and wise. “But this guy I like hasn't pursued me. How do I resolve the fear that he won't notice me unless I take some initiative?” You may ask. Enter: the character of God. Human reasoning would say that this is incentive enough to buck the created order. However, we must hold fast to God’s Word and trust in His character. God is intimately involved in every detail of our lives (down to the hairs on our head). We must trust that His sovereignty is more than powerful enough, His love is more than true enough, and His wisdom more than knowledgeable enough to fulfill His perfect plan for us. This perfect plan may or may not include the desired relationship. But it will most definitely be for our good. As a single woman, Psalm 84:10-12 was my hope: “For a day in your courts is better
 than a thousand elsewhere. 
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God 
than dwell in the tents of wickedness.
 For the Lord God is a sun and shield; 
the Lord bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does he withhold
 from those who walk uprightly.
O Lord of hosts,
blessed is the one who trusts in you!”

3. God rewards our trust in Him. We don’t say “no” to our feelings and “yes” to God’s Word without a fight. And yet, there is joy and peace and freedom to be had. Psalm 131’s description of the weaned child, not concerned with things too lofty or wonderful, comes to mind. So does 1 Peter 3 and the woman whose beauty is of great worth in the sight of God because she does not “fear anything that is frightening.” Waiting and responding instead of initiating romantic relationships is not some kind of manipulative trick. It is the path to true attractiveness, the miraculous kind that only comes by the grace of God producing trust in God. For truly blessed is the woman who does not sinfully strive after a relationship, but quietly rests in the goodness of God!

Does he like me? What should I do?

When you think that a guy is interested in you, but the guy has not explicitly said anything to you, there is a danger that you could have already begun "dating in your mind". This will lead you to be bitter and discontented and stray away from God. From Crosswalk.com, here are a few danger signs to look out for:
  • Do I talk about him a lot to other people?
  • If these other people don’t share my enthusiasm, and even caution me to not cultivate expectations, do I feel deflated and resent their input?
  • Am I going to this event or meeting primarily because he will be there?
  • Am I distracted in church or small-group meetings because of his presence?
  • Do I break other commitments because he’s invited me to do something spontaneously?
  • If he doesn’t talk to me or single me out at events, do I go home disappointed?
  • Am I jealous of the women he does talk to or serve?
  • If he declines one of my invitations, am I tempted to feel rejected?
  • When he does pay attention to me, am I so oriented to him in a group setting that I don’t consider the needs of others around me?
The author offers the following advice if you think he's interested in you.
  • Prayer: Take your petitions to God, for He’s the only one who can change a man’s heart, and this brings His peace to guard our own hearts.
  • Pursuit: It’s not our job as women. Instead, we should have the joy of being pursued.
  • Prevent Disappointment: Check yourself before you head down the slippery slope of desires, demands and expectations that Paul Tripp outlined. When you find your fist closing over good desires and making them demands, stop. Open that clenched fist and hold that desire up in prayer (see point one again).
But seriously, does this work? Read some true stories and get other good advice from the sisters at http://girltalk.blogs.com/girltalk/courtship/